so. story.

i just got back from camping with Young Buck. No, not a young buck like an animal, the rapper Young Buck. I don't even know if this was a dream or if this really happened. If this was a dream then it was the most vivid and clear dream ever. All I know is that I went camping with Young Buck, got blitzed on some fat dro with Young Buck, and then went fishing with Young Buck. But he made us throw the fish back? He also kept trying to convince me that the purple drank in my canteen was water.

If anyone knows why I went camping with Young Buck let me know. Also, I'm somehow now wearing a pair of "G-Star Raw" denim jeans and I have no idea how/why/where these came from. Let me know on that as well. More to follow when I wake up again... most likely wearing another weird type of jeans. My guess is Phat Farm this time.

f*** planet earth

i am a wombat. i live on earth. fuuuuuuuuuuuck.


Planet Freaking Earth - Watch more free videos

the wombat is no lie.

Will Ferrel and David Grohl Live....(at my house)

So, last night my good friend Willy Ferret(as I like to call him) played a little something something with David Grohl... enjoy.

Busy Monday...

It is monday, I was really busy today but I still had time to build a highly-detailed R2D2 cake. It took me precisely 35 minutes. And I clearly did not add in a penor cuz droids DO NOT have wangs! In your face wombate.

*Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on. Said the Gorilla, yelling atop his beacon.

slow monday

so its monday, and i got pretty bored so i built a life size C3P0 and a clone wars trooper out of legos. took me roughly 16 hours because i really had problems with C3P0's crotch area... didn't know if robots had wallywangers or not. comment if you know so i can adjust the statue accordingly.

uhhh wtf?

so this has to be the most bizarre thing i've seen in a while. reebok has joined kool-aid to make kool-aid scented shoes. no, this is not a joke.


.................... wtf

the wombat is no lie.

voting/politics/etc

So I couldn't help but notice all the hoopla surrounding politics in this country... something about a new president. I'm skeptical we're getting a new president, but oh well. I should have posted this way back when "SUPER FRIGGIN TUESDAY" occurred and tons of states were voting. I decided to vote on that Tuesday. Seven times. Twice in New Jersey, once in New York, and four times in Connecticut. That’s the beauty of being able to make your own driver’s licenses. I don't even know who I voted for in New York, I was too busy watching the lady in the booth next to me breast feed her child. I suggest everyone go vote solely for the chance to see a woman breast feeding. what a spectacle.

this girl pursued her dreams

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I'm not sure if I am totally disturbed or amazed by this...

This is a video of bullets that explode on impact... But the disturbing/absolutely badass thing about video is watching the prairie dogs get pwnd... crazy!

Apparently maxi pads are a b*tch

So I was just checkin email today, no big deal. Apparently, some lady sent me an email thinking i am a "mr. thatcher". i have absolutely no idea how you confuse WOMBAT HATE and Mr. Thatcher... i mean cmon my email is actually: wombathate@gmail.com. who in their right mind would type that out and think that they are sending the email to the right address. i have a feeling in this fit of rage she accidentally emailed me somehow BUT that's not the point. the point is that she apparently meant to send this to a head of a company who makes maxi pads for women. its quite an entertaining read.

"Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you fvking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular
Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that,effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull sh1t. And that's a promise I will keep. *Always.*
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX"

all i can say is W-O-W. i want that lady's menstrual cycle. imagine what i could do with that rage.

the wombat is no lie.

Sneaky Raccoons!

Today I was at my friends house and we where sitting on his porch observing his cat eat in the rainforest and this sneaky Raccoon kept stealing his food... HAHA watch how the raccoon out-stretches and looks away when he steals the food.

Amazing.... The World's Smallest Bodybuilder.

Hello, today I traveled east in the rainforest near the area of Punjab and I came across the World's Smallest Bodybuilder. This is No Joke he clocks in at 2-feet-9-inches!! His name is Aditya "Romeo" Dev, he lives in Punjab and has been working out and believes he is the strongest dwarf in the world. He uses custom-built 1.5kg dumbbells. This post is henceforth proving that the man known as Werrgen Irvine is no longer the smallest bodybuilder alive.

the facebook challenge

ok so FINALLY a reader commented challenging me to my claim that i could find pics of anyone on facebook... even if they are not my friend on there, and even if their profile is set to private. SKETCHY MUCH? you are damn right.

shout out to reader: DutchHataz4life2000 for posting. THX DUDER. i'm about to pwn your ass with l337 skills. wombat is no lie. He/She/They/It wanted to see pics of someone named "Eric Rubin." So, without further ado....... here are some pics. And, let the record show that I am not friends with this person on facebook, nor do I have any idea who they are, where they came from, etc. All I am doing is showing my wombat skillz off. Once again, I ask all readers to just comment on one of these posts, asking me to post pics of anyone from facebook. Private profile, no matter what. I can get their pics. So once again, I issue you to challenge me. THE WOMBAT IS NO LIE.


and now.... DutchHataz4life2000 , here's your dank ass pix of 'Eric Rubin'. This dude looks like a narf. DutchHataz4life2000 I hope you aren't friends with this lemming. Or, I hope you didn't ask for pix of yourself to challenge me haha. ANYWAYZ.

TO...

DA...

PIX...










*BOWS


THE WOMBAT IS NO LIE. CHALLENGE ME. ANYONE ON FACEBOOK!!! just comment with the name of the person, and the network they belong to so i know for sure who you are talking about.

give me anyone's name on facebook and i will show you their pics

this is no lie. i am all that is wombat. give me a person's name... it can be a person you know or don't know, and i will post up their pics WITHOUT even being friends with them. private profile? no problem. just put up in the comments section and then i'll hook it up with the pics for all you stalkers. make sure to give me the name and what network they belong to so i know which person you are talking about. (multiple people have the same name). this is no lie.

what ever happened to recreational drug use?

one day you're just doing drugs for fun... before you know it, you're a professional crackwhore. damn you bob saget.

Sara Silverman reveals the truth to Jimmy Kimmel about their relationship...

Hello rainforest readers, I was watching the boob tube the other day in my forest den and I came across this humorous video of two humans having an interesting revelation about their relationship. In the human world they are known as Jimmy Kimmel, host of the Jimmy Kimmel show and Sara Silverman, host of the Sara Silverman show apparently.... In the video Sara Silverman comes on the show to celebrate their 5th anniversary together.... However, she reveals a secret to Jimmy that he was not so fond of.....

"he bite me in my vagina"

ok wow..... i don't even know what to say to this. i'm exiting the rainforest today going to a park to film a documentary and i guess i was just in the right place at the right time with my camera. this dude was PISSED OFF because some lady's dog bit him. apparently the dog bites everyone. i got to the bottom of this............ just watch

i almost forgot... today is national pancake day

FUUUUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXX YEA!!!@#!!!111!111!!!!!!!1!!11

TODAY IS FUCKIN NATIONAL PANCAKE DAY1111111

seriously, this is NO LIE. ihop is celebrating this bitch today (2/12) by giving everyone a free stack of pancakes! http://www.ihoppancakeday.com/

run your homeless ass over there to get yourself a SHORTY STACK o fluffy goodness A.S.A.P. TODAY ONLY.

shout out to reader DankAssKush for emailing me about this! i'm so farking blitzed on pancakes right now. powdered sugar all up in my junk.

oh hey there

hi, it's me, wombat hate. i'm just surfing the internet keeping up with current events and stuff. some readers have asked me to post a picture of myself. so, here i am, just blogging n shit. and to those of you who will ask... no, that hot girl is not actually in my room. its just a poster i have on the wall of a girl at a desk. i put it on my wall to make it feel like i was in an office with a hot chick. i like to leghump her on tuesdays and thursdays. ok, back to work.

sooo uhhh

sooo uhhh i have been having a problem lately with people stealing my sheep. i have a sheep farm out back and its really a nice little valley with ferns and shit. lately my sheep have been disappearing completely. no dead bodies, no trace of their departure... nothing. so i figured someone was just coming and taking them and i decided i need to put a stop to this as i often pet the sheep when i am bored, and then i eat them. so, i put up an electric fence all around the sheep valley i have and camouflaged it with ferns and shit. today i heard a huge ass crackling noise out back and sure enough i had caught the predator. i thought it was going to be a human body trapped in the fence but ohhhh no, what i saw made me literally piss myself, it was the most awesome sensation ever. to those of you who are laughing at me because i pissed myself... put yourself in my situation and i guarantee you would have done the same. what was in the fence?


VOILA




if you did not consider shitting or pissing yourself when you saw those pictures then there is something wrong with you. snakes are supposed to have 2 fangs.... this beast has like 10!!! MOTHER F%&$#@^ SNAKES EATIN MY SHEEP. i decided that i'm gonna teach this punk ass a lesson. i'm going to feed him as many sheeps as he can possibly eat over the next few days until he literally cannot move. then, i will put tons of shrubbery all around him and burn him to death, leaving me with a delicious treat.


damn that thing scared the shit outta me.

Today this girl baked bread that looks like gorilla poo

i could not make this up if i tried. never in my life have i seen something that resembles gorilla feces that actually is NOT gorilla feces. unbelievable. today i stumbled upon a girl baking bread in the rainforest. i have no idea how or why she was doing this, but there she was, oven and all. she asked me to sample her bread to make sure it tasted alright and out of the oven she pulled this:



initial reaction: WHAT THE FUCK LADY?!

that bread clearly looks like gorilla dump on a baking pan. i would know, since i'm good friends with a freaking mammoth gorilla (a.k.a. gorillas beacon of this site) and he takes large dumps quite frequently that easily look like what is on that pan. seriously what the hell?!? why on earth would you make bread that looks like feces. not only is it a very large feces... but its conveniently curled up like a freaking rattlesnake. if i wanted gorilla poo i could easily access it.... i don't need you to bake it for me.

what confused me even more is how and why she was making bread in the middle of a rainforest? i was so confused and amazed that i didn't even bother to ask her how she was doing this.




OH

speaking of large fecal matter.... i also saw this today.


poor dung beetle can't even handle that pile of shit because its twice the size of him. so that is not 1, but 2 amazing things that i saw today concerning bunghole residue. i have to give it to the beetle though, look at that dung ball, that sphere is PERFECT. i literally stared at this pile of dung for 12 minutes. and then i killed the dung beetle.

Freeking Tamarin Monkeys!!!! I HATE THEM!

So, lately I have been trying to have a relaxing night with my wife in the den. However, while I am sleeping... these frikkin Tamarin Monkeys have been sneaking in and taking my finest bananas. I know who they are too. I was able to record a video of them with my new SLR rainforest palm tree edition camera. They belong to the Monkey Yakuza clan. I have reported them to the Lions, but f'ing lions spend all day sleeping on their ass. So I think I will set up some booby traps to try to catch those Tamarin's. I will keep you guys posted on this. Cuz if I get them, I will go to work on them the Gorilla way.... and you don't wanna know about that.